For the man who has everything.

Feel free to skip this paragraph, it has zero relevance to what I'm talking about. The first salsa manufacturing sight in the U.S. came out in 1948. Salsa popularity really kicked off in the early nineties. How blessed am I to have salsa as a common condiment for my entire existence? I can't imagine that beautiful concoction of fruit/vegetable guts not being a staple in my house. I think people who were born as late as 1938 must have strong character to have survived without salsa being a dip everyone had. Anyways, moving on:

I've had some pretty weird dreams. One time I dreamt that I was being chased by Chucky (the ugly ginger doll) and it was a musical, as in, anything said/yelled/screamed was to a tune and pretty melodic. I had a dream I was painting an abstract portrait of Amy Poehler during the zombie apocalypse where everyone spoke in Pirates of the Caribbean quotes.  Recently I had one about being a butch lesbian in love with Anne Hathaway where I also attended Micheal Jackson's funeral. Last Friday night I dreamt of Guy Fieri (Like the bleach blonde food network dude) being in a commercial trying to sell chef boyardee ravioli in a can and  the back drop was fire. It literally looked like he was in hell trying to get you to buy the fancy version of spaghettios. I have no idea what any of this means but they're entertaining. Unfortunately this isn't my typical dream.

I'm feeling so lucky because I'm on a streak, on Tuesday I woke up in the middle of the night and started puking because of my dream and then Saturday night I had the worst dream I've had in a long time (maybe ever) .It wasn't my typical wake up sweating in the middle of the night/ Will Graham/The ring nightmare type of dream. It was a dream that felt so real and it showed me exactly what I wanted to see. In my dream the people who told me they'd love me my whole life did. It was my life as I wished it was, there is nothing more painful than waking up and realizing that it isn't real. That the people I trusted gained profits at my expense. So I'm shaking a little thinking about it. I feel nauseous but luckily I'm over the the crying part (thanks church for giving me a space to cry where people don't ask why I'm crying). But it reminded me of the moment I knew I loved Batman, and I am so grateful for that.

There's an episode of Justice League Unlimited called "For the man who has everything" In which superman and batman are both at one point being fed illusions by the Black Mercy (It's an alien plant thingy). What the Black Mercy does is feed you your deepest desire, it shows you the life you wish you had known. Bruce saw a life full of happiness with his family who were in reality gunned down in front of him. When wonder woman was trying to remove the black mercy from Bruce he knew, it wasn't real. The pain of removing it is described as "tearing off your own arm" and while it takes his breath away he goes back to work. He doesn't let denial take over to be able to live his fantasy no matter how badly he wants to believe it. He knows it isn't real and that he must fight his own desires to help others. He just relived his worst moment and was able to change it only to have it torn away from him again and he just moves on because he knows there's more at stake than just him. That's beautiful. Superman on the other hand is not okay. He's shown what his life on Krypton would be like. He has a family and when the black mercy is removed he cannot keep it together.  He can't see that he has the most out of anyone. He's hysterical over a life he never even experienced. He was sent to earth as a baby. He has the most loving adoptive parents, he has Jimmy and Lois. But he still is beyond devastated by this illusion he almost compromises his own standards. He can't see how good he has it. That his life still closely resembles his dream. He still has the nerve to say "Do you know what I've lost?" Of course it would be hard, but he didn't even know what he was missing. He doesn't consider the people who love him or what he has in the moment. Clark is weak shit. I could probably beat him up, I'd just have to tell a mean your mom joke and say something like "If I were on krypton I'd rather stay there and get blown to hell than go anywhere you." and he'd be bawling on the ground. Gross. 

Superman used to be my favorite superhero. The boy-scout in blue tights and I used to have the same attitude, then I experienced 'real life'. He can't see that sometimes rules have to be broken for the greater good. His whole life is black and white and he is never forced to see past that. He never progresses, because he's invincible. His constant monologuing to serial murderers changing their ways is the dumbest thing, pretty sure your "that's not nice" speech won't do anything to change those bad guys Clark. I'd rather have him fry my brain out then listen to one of his self righteous speeches. He's stuck in his ignorance and stupid haircut. (That one little dinky hair curl drives me INSANE.) So his greatest foe is a rock, his constant existential crises, and "what does it meant to be a hero?" Which is lame as hell. To be fair, a lot of this is me projecting onto him but I'm not a perfect person. Also he is the worst kind of like Toby Flenderson soooo anyways... I used to believe in truth justice and the american way until I was in the legal system/going through court. I now know that justice is a label slapped on a broken system that so often completely fails to do anything for the victim. I've seen so much idiocy in court thinking about it makes my blood boil. I wish I could get away with being batman but: 1-I'm poor 2-not intimidating 3-not in shape 4-suck at fighting 5-not that smart. Which is too bad, because If I could punch bad guys who buy their way out of trouble in the face every night I so would. Even if I ended up with a lot of stitches and broken ribs. (On the flip side I've doubled my brooding time and I'm a little mean so I'm getting a little closer.)

That's why I love Bruce, despite not having faith in people and seeing the absolute worst of humanity he would do anything for them. The kind of hopelessness he feels never makes him stop his mission. Even if he questions if what he does is worth it. He sacrifices everything to try to prevent anyone from ever experiencing what he went through. He channels his pain into something productive and no matter how bad he hurts he always gets back up. Batman has to be brave. Every moment of every day in a way superman never will. So even though I'm shaken up I'm okay. Because If batman can do it then I can to (Leave me in my denial where I can compare my existence to batman's okay?).

Also I really really really don't want to be like superman, so I'll do it out of spite if nothing else (You suck Clark).