I don't know if I'll ever have kids. I wouldn't ask anyone to live the life I've lead. I've been at the end of my rope so many times, I can't imagine being responsible for another human being at the same time. It seems absolutely terrifying to bring someone into this world who you'll love more than anything else, a little vulnerable soul who becomes your life. Who you will help shape and grow and watch them become an adult, to see them innocent and then heartbroken, to see them fail and succeed. I can't imagine the pain and unspeakable joy watching their journey would cause. I'm not sure that I want to know, how could I ever be a good mom? The qualities it takes are so selfless and demanding. I guess if I have a kid that really needs walrus impressions to keep them grounded I'd be alright, I can't speak for anything else though. For the women who have chosen to be mothers, I have the greatest respect. But that doesn't mean women who have had children.
I think being a mother requires so much more than giving someone DNA. It means you have to be a warrior to fight for your children, a teacher to show them what they're capable of, a leader so they know what is wrong and right, and a confidant and friend who will love you unconditionally. Sometimes I meet women who have never had the chance to have children of their own, or cannot, but it doesn't stop them from nurturing and raising the people around them. They help so many people grow and set them up for success. That definitely earns them the title of mother (or as I like to call them bonus moms). Sadly I know so many DNA donors who are not mothers. They disprove the whole 'blood runs thicker than water' phrase. I think that's what makes me so proud of my mom, she has shown me family is much more than blood.
For those of you who don't know my mom broke her back and her neck when I was 12. It should've killed her. She didn't even end up paralyzed. It's an incredible miracle and granted me a second chance to love her and value what she's given me. I know I still do, but I try my best to never take her for granted because I know that life is unpredictable. I'm trying to love her like every day is the last I'll have with her, because for a moment in my life I thought that might come true. Maybe people think I'm a little too attached to my mom, honestly we could be handcuffed together forever for all I care. She is the most miraculous woman I know. Together we're two halves of a whole idiot (it's our catch phrase, it's fine).
She has to deal with tremendous pain everyday. She faces each day with a smile and courage. Despite the metal in her body literally causing her to ache she stays positive and loving. She doesn't let her injury stop her from trying new things, she is so brave. She has the most beautiful soul, and even when I'm irritated with her for being a little bit too much like Dr. Phil (5 years of a therapy does a number on ya) I know that it comes from love and kindness. I can't imagine my life without her. If she wasn't my mom I honestly don't think I wouldn't still be here. I can't see anyone I know being able to give me the strength she has.
She listens to my thoughts and lame jokes, lets me share my passions even though she has almost no idea what I'm talking about. She's taught me standing up for what's right is more important than anything else. Despite the tremendous loss in her life she is strong and fights for the truth. She cares so deeply about the people around her. If I ended up even a little like my mom I would be proud. Her mom didn't choose her. but she knows how to choose me. Her entire family abandoned her, and yet she isn't bitter and raising her own. She still has so much faith in people. It's beautiful.
She is without a doubt my inspiration, my sidekick, and my example. She is the reason I have such passion, the reason I'm not just a phenomenal douche bag (at least not all the time...), and the reason I learned to get back up. She started me down a path I know I will be able to be proud of. While I'm not even close to being a super hero I have a mom who could raise one.
